Standing in Places of Terror

The last two weeks have been hard for me psychologically, specifically getting past the mental barriers of long acquaintance; getting myself to the point where I could believe that I could break past old norms. Every time I approached 190 pounds, a part deep inside pushed back. My mental thermostat was turning on the furnace to push the “temperature” up.

It was a narrow plateau, however, since I wasn’t ever going to approach 200 pounds again. I felt trapped between two disquieting walls. There’s a very human reaction, one of doubt, of despair, of emotional surrender.

Despite the extreme temptation to call this “good enough,” a part of me could would cry out, “No!” So I faltered in my progress, caught myself, and rested a bit to think.

I have a tremendous amount of respect for those who are able to stay on top of their game for extended periods of time. They’re excellent at managing the cycle of effort and rejuvenation. While I’m improving with time, this is not a natural area of strength for me.

I wish I could enunciate what the trigger was, that allowed me to rekindle some of that fire, and touch 190. I didn’t give into darkness. The thoughts were not me. I still could choose to not surrender.

This was my “terror barrier.” It was personal and real to me, which part of the definition. Everybody has their own peculiar points of weaknesses. While undesired, they also represent moments of growth which are appreciated later, in retrospect. We can have gratitude for our liabilities.

To shift gears from a contemplative mood to one of celebration, today I went shopping for some new dress slacks as I’ve trimmed up quite a bit. I went from a 42″ waist to a 36″ waist. How’s that for a pleasant victory?

Status: 41 pounds (18 kg) lighter.

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Changes in the Air

With the arrival of spring, there has been a shift in our daily habits. We’re outdoors more because the sun is warm and the grass is green. We’ve set up seven new square foot gardens, refreshed the bird garden, and started coaxing the grass out of its hibernation.

In moving past my “terror barrier”, I’ve been able to play off the changes in the world and work a new image of myself into my subconscious. It has taken some real effort. I deliberately set a side just a few minutes daily, several times a day to stand in a quiet place and go through my new statement of personal fitness.

To build any new habit, from the most mundane to the most ambitious, two things are required: meaning and repetition. The more each is present, the faster the brain builds new connections to create that habit. (Yes, the brain literally rewires itself. That’s the magic of neuroplasticity.)

Repetition should be an obvious component. If any person desires to improve their ability in an area, practicing (repetitiously doing it correctly) is indispensable. Note that one must practice doing that thing correctly, otherwise one produces a bad habit rather than an improvement in one’s life.

The part that may be most unfamiliar to people is meaning. The more meaningful the practice, in other words, the more that the new habit is done with an emotional connection, the faster the mind will build new connections.

Combine this with what I wrote earlier, that the subconscious mind cannot distinguish between the real and the imagined. The repeated, vivid visualization of the next milestone slowly trains the mind. Progress towards the new milestone slowly become more automatic.

The initial emotional rush is almost two months past, so that energy has pretty much faded. However, I keep the image of “me” + “fitness” fixed in my mind, no matter how many times that little voice on my shoulder has a laughing fit.

Status: 36 pounds (16 kg) lighter

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I occasionally take my camera with me when I ride my trike.

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Hitting My First “Terror Barrier”

Last week I hit a major milestone. I’m now as light as I was about 12 years ago when I watched my weight skyrocket into the solid 200’s. For some reason that time period remained with me quite vividly. I then went on in subsequent years to peak out in the 260 pound range in 2006.

Being able to watch — by deliberate choice — my weight slide down past those record highs of 12 years ago was pretty thrilling. It’s like a whole era of my life has slipped into history. I’m a new human.

I had worked this current milestone into my new image of myself, coaxing my subconscious into believing that the current me was the “real” me. Getting here took deliberate choices, but as time went on the choices became easier, then habitual. That’s the good news.

The “bad” news — well, there is no actual bad news — is that to reach the next milestone I must go through the process again. It’s not bad, but just part of the pattern of living. I must rework my personal statement of fitness, get my subconscious to accept it as real, and patiently work through the daily actions required to make it physically real.

I have reworked my personal statement of fitness. However… I stalled out for a few days, even with a few daily minutes of quiet dedicated time focused on my new milestone. I noticed that I lacked the previous joyful resolve, and that I when I read my personal statement the old voice came back… you know the one that says, “Yeah, right! Not in a million years! Who do you think you’re kidding?”

It dawned on me that I hit a “terror barrier”. A part of me, deep down, wanted to hang onto this milestone, saying, “This is great! Let’s stay here!” It became my new comfort zone. My mental thermostat was wanting to hold at this new “temperature”; this new reality.

This realization is actually quite satisfying. It means that I’ve come full circle. I’ve moved from fat slob to master of myself, to a new reality. To reach my next milestone, I need some patience as I train my subconscious mind to accept a new vision of fitness for myself; one that is even better and grander than where I’m at now.

It won’t take long. I got out and did a good walk. My broken toe is healing, and while the walk perhaps was kind of stupid, my toe only aches. It’s not wailing from pain. That’s progress.

Status: 34 pounds (15kg) lighter

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Some crappy calligraphy I whipped up to celebrate my big milestone:

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Getting a Head Bigger than Your “But”

I wrote previously in Cut the Yo-Yo String that one’s subconscious mind acts somewhat like a thermostat. A thermostat keeps a house’s temperature around its setting. When the temperature falls too far, it turns on the heater until the temperature reaches its setting. Or, during the summer months, it will behave similarly with an air conditioner, cooling the home when the temperature rises too far above its setting.

Our subconscious mind drives us in a similar manner to gravitate to the same level of fitness — or lack thereof — that we’ve retained for so long.

Polishing Off Step One

The first step, laid out in Setting Your Fitness Thermostat discussed becoming very clear on what fitness means to you. This must a vivid, detailed picture. Write it down in detail.

Now sit back and be aware of how you feel. Are you inspired? Excited? Great! However, a word of caution: Beware of the little voice in your head that scoffs, or tells you that you can’t, or that you’ve failed before, or… you get the idea. It’s that part of your mind that says, “That’s great, but….”

Watch out for that “but”! That’s your subconscious mind making its presence known. That’s coming from the current “mental thermostat setting.”

Look at your written description of fitness. Despite the “yeah, but” voice, does it strike a chord with you, deep down? If not, spend a little more time thinking about it. If you have a close, trusted friend, or better yet, a trusted mentor, take up the conversation and kick it around. Losing weight is one thing, but fitness encompasses much more.

When you feel you have it, even a first draft, you’ve put your hand on the mental thermostat.

Reframing the Written Statement of Fitness

Before we can call step one good, there are some crucial details that will transform the image of fitness into a useful tool for rewiring your head.

1. Take the statement one phrase at a time and rework any that have a negative spin. The reason for this is rooted in psychology. The subconscious mind cannot see “not,” “don’t”, etc. It only sees the main part of the idea and locks onto it.

   For example, wtih “I don’t want to be fat,” the subconscious locks onto the idea of “fat”… and you’ll fail to change. Switch that to something like “I want to be lean.”

   A tricky one that society has drilled into us is “lose weight.” The simplistic subconscious mind locks onto “lose” and gets into a panic. One should avoid losing things! Instead of “I want to lose 20 pounds” alter that to something more specific like “I want to weigh 150 pounds.”

2. Change the statements to the present tense. Remove the expression of desire (“want”, “would like”, etc.) and change them to a statement that you’ll say in the future, after you’ve become fit. For example, “I want to weigh 150 pounds” becomes “I weigh 150 pounds”.

   At this point, it’s common for the little “but” voice to start chiming in here. It says things like, “That’s a lie! I don’t weigh that much!” Remember that this is a future statement. Now you’re not, but in the future you will be.

3. My friend Ross Moore of Creation Tree Coaching taught me to add this last step. It seemed… well… kind of hokey at first. After learning more of the nuts and bolts behind the mind and brain, the logic behind it started to become clearer. We can talk about that more later.

   Add the following text to the beginning of the revised statement: “I’m so grateful and happy now that….”

It’s possible that you might end up with something like the following:

I am so grateful and happy now that I live an abundant life. I enjoy good food, both nutritious and delicious. I take delight daily in vigorous recreational activities that strengthen and renew my body and mind. I enjoy an ideal weight of 150 pounds which provides ample strength. I find myself full of energy in my daily activities, sleep soundly, and enjoy fulfilling relationships with my family.

At this point it’s common, once again, to have the little voice in the head start screaming, “but it’s a big, bloody lie!” If you’re experiencing something like that when you reach this point, don’t worry. You’re in good company. All successful people have their doubting moments along the way. The key is to keep moving forward.

We’ll continue this discussion soon.

Status: 30 pounds lighter
The last days have been somewhat of a struggle as an edge of a heavy box fell smack on my broken bone. I suspect may have broken the bone further. It’s made exercise even more difficult.

While one set of opportunities have been withdrawn from my life, others have presented themselves. For example, I spend a full day building seven 4’x4′ boxes for square foot gardening, clearing the ground, preparing the soil, and planting. That resulted in a tremendous amount of exercise stretched out over the day, with the added prospect of delicious, fresh “organic” food through the summer.

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Life Throws Curve Balls

I heard Dr. Paul Jenkins ask the question, “What kind of people get into car accidents?” The answer is, “People who get into cars.” Let’s say that you’re a perfect driver, never violating a single traffic rule. Does that mean you’ll never be involved in an accident? Of course not. The road is full of imperfect drivers, putting you at risk of being involved in an accident even if you were a perfect driver.

The point is that life will throw you curve balls; things that we didn’t ask for, that we couldn’t reasonably predict.

For example, when I created a new image of fitness for myself, I never made allowances for broken bones. Yes, I broke a bone last week!

When the X-rays conformed what I suspected, I had a choice. I could choose the role of the victim and ask, “Why me?” I could also choose the role of the hero and turn the question around, “Why not me?”

Isn’t that an interesting question? Why not you? Why not me? I’m just as qualified to be injured as any other human on the planet.

Another perspective correction that I’ve had is in judging whether an event is “good” or “bad”. Was breaking the bone a good thing or a bad thing? I would suggest that the event is neither good nor bad. I just is. It’s an event that happened in the universe, devoid of any moral “good” or “bad”. Now, was it undesirable? Unwanted? Unanticipated? Absolutely! Did it increase the amount of bother, pain, suffering, aggravation, etc. in my life? Oh, you bet your bottom!

…but was it bad? That’s a contextual call based on moral judgement. I can’t put the label “bad” on it anymore than I can put the label “good” on receiving an unexpected $10,000. The event would be thrilling, desirable, etc. but not necessarily “good” or “bad” in and of itself. My decisions in the face of disappointment determine everything. I can make wise decisions… or not. That’s the important part of the whole equation, not whether an undesirable event happened.

Anyhow, that’s some food for thought. It’s occupied my mind from time to time during the last week.

What did I do when I got broadsided by this? Like anybody else that gets through unpleasant events, I allowed five minutes of self-pity, then looked where I was, then where I’m going, and plotted a new course.

This is a critical time for the subconscious programming to help move you along. You’re in a place that you don’t want to be. It wants to get to the new vision of fitness that you’ve built up. Relax and let the creative juices flow. Start writing down ideas if you need to.

So, how has it affected my routine? I have missed some days of exercise. Because of this, I chose to take more care about my eating than usual. The break being located in my big toe — essential for foot use — walking and martial arts are out for right now.

Fortunately, my trike has “clipless” pedals, meaning that I use special biking shoes that snap onto the pedals at the ball of the foot. This bypasses the toe area completely, allowing me to ride without affecting the injury. (You can see a picture of my shoes and pedals below.) I’ve ridden twice since the injury.

If I didn’t have this option, I’d find something else. The important part is keep moving forward, even if it’s an inch at a time.

Status: 29 pounds lighter

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Setting Your Fitness Thermostat

I wrote previously in Cut the Yo-Yo String that one’s subconscious mind acts somewhat like a thermostat. A thermostat keeps a house’s temperature around its setting. When the temperature falls too far, it turns on the heater until the temperature reaches its setting. Or, during the summer months, it will behave similarly with an air conditioner, cooling the home when the temperature rises too far above its setting.

When it comes to our fitness level, there is a “zone of familiarity” where our subconscious mind will try to keep us. If we become less active, eat too much, or otherwise slack off, it will help kick us into gear until we reach the subconscious “fitness thermostat” setting.

And, to our great frustration, it behaves the same on the other side. Say we embark on a diet because we want to lose weight. We start engaging in some Joyful Motion, start eating Good Food, and to our delight we see the pounds start to disappear. However, to our subconscious mind, this constitutes a problem once we start to move out of the “zone of familiarity”. It wants to set things right (from its perspective), and old habits start to kick in. How many of us have found ourselves halfway through a sweet (e.g. a doughnut), not really realizing that we had grabbed it on our way out the door in the rush to work? Or started to “get cravings”? Or lament our lapses and whine to our co-workers or friends about how we “lost control”?

I write this not to justify shrouding ourselves in the mantle of the victim, but in the hopes that others, like myself, will start to become aware of the dynamics with our subconscious mind.

Fitness does not mean going to war with our psyche. We can make our mind a partner in a joyful endeavor, not an enemy with which we do battle. Bringing our subconscious mind into partnership could be looked at as adjusting our “fitness thermostat” to a new setting. This will span several articles, but let’s kick it off.

Adjusting the Fitness Thermostat

The subconscious mind is in many ways like an innocent child. It accepts as true what the conscious mind impresses upon it through meaning and repetition. Furthermore, it cannot discern between an actual experience and an experience that is vividly imagined in the conscious mind. Without thinking, over the course of our years we build up a certain perception about ourselves. This perception (regardless of whether it’s true or false, accurate or distorted) the subconscious acts on as if it were actually true and accurate.

The facts concerning the way that this happens is neither good nor bad. It’s just the way that they are. For those of us who want better health, wealth, happiness… it’s fabulous news! It means that ultimately, we are in the driver’s seat, with our hands and feet on the controls. In other words, our hand is on the fitness thermostat. We just need to develop the psychological muscles needed to move the hand, thus moving the thermostat.

Go back two paragraphs and notice that the subconscious mind cannot discern between and actual experience and an experience that is vividly imagined. We can take advantage of this. It may seem strange at first, but as we develop the habit of vividly imagining ourselves as having achieved our fitness ideal, the easier it becomes. As with everything, practice makes the difficult comfortable.

Step One: Put Your Hand on the Thermostat

I’ve taken time during my quiet moments to start exploring what the words “I am fit” mean to me, deep down. At first it was hard to really put my finger on it. I found that I had some trouble articulating exactly what that meant to me. With patience and persistence, that deep personal meaning started to become more clear. Some people have told me that they find it helpful to set thoughts to paper. Others, a quiet morning walk, or those minutes in motion sitting on the subway constituted opportunities to ponder the question. Taking the time to just start the process is the important part. “Just do it”, as the commercials admonish us.

Those who recognize the spiritual component of their lives also have access to prayer and meditation (of both the Western and Eastern traditions). I would suggest incorporating these tools into your exploration. Invite God into your exploration and self-discovery.

My first step was to simply ask the question, “What do the words ‘I am fit’ mean to me?” I invite you to do the same. Don’t rush past the question by saying, “I want to lose twenty pounds.” I realized that’s not a description of fitness. For me “losing” so many pounds was an expression of desire, but I found it never constituted a serious inquiry into what I really meant when I said, “fitness”.

As an aside, don’t use this exercise and an excuse to not start moving your body and consuming better foods! Just put your life into motion. You can fine-tune as you move along. Years ago, I heard a man marked by many successes made this point by saying, “Even the Almighty can’t steer a parked car.” I can’t speak for Mr. Almighty, but I got the point.

We’ll pick up the second step next in this series.

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Status: 25 pounds lighter

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Purposefully Break the Rules

Today you get a personal story. Last Friday there was an interesting clash in my head. At the outset of my my cholesterol/diet experiment, I determined specific boundaries for food choices during the test period. I’ve worked that into my subconscious mind, and it’s become an instinctive, habitual part of living for me.

I also determined that I would make allowances for specific events. They being a handful of family gatherings over the year, they are far and few between. When I created the new image in my mind, these were essentially forgotten.

Last Friday marked the arrival of one of those days. Our family has an annual spring trek to an out-of-the way location. Part of the tradition is dinner at a small pizza and hot sub shop in a nearby town. It’s the kind where the building has seen better days, but the food is pleasantly superb.

Quite frankly, I had a small amount of anxiety that manifested itself after the main purpose of the trek, which grew into a brief moment of terror as I pulled into the restaurant. “There’s nothing on the menu that I’m willing to eat”, said the little voice in my head.

On one hand, that’s a minor tribute to successfully changing how I see my eating habits. On the other, it’s a warning that we get what we ask for. While I planned that out from the beginning, I really hadn’t integrated it into the picture of my new eating habits. Had I done that, there wouldn’t have been any need for the small internal turmoil that I had set myself up for.

I needed to remind myself that (1) this was already accounted for from the beginning, and (2) I wasn’t obliged to gorge myself as was customary in past years. My wife and I ended up splitting half a hot sub (alone it’s a meal in itself), and I savored a modest bit of garlic cheese bread and pizza.

The net effect was (1) my family and I were able to enjoy the event as planned, (2) I had a delicious treat, and (3) there was a three-pound spike in my weight. While perhaps undesirable at the moment, it was an expected and acceptable trade-off. Since diet immediately reverted to normal, that spike has almost disappeared.

Status: 23 pounds lighter.

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Cut the Yo-Yo String

Yo-yo diets. Binging. Rebound. It’s a common experience that going to battle with oneself only exacerbates these undesirable events in our lives. It’s seldom that I hear people discuss where these behaviors come from, and how to effect real change.

I alluded to the secret-that’s-not-a secret in my post Fat Brain? Fat Body. Fit Brain? Fit Body. Let’s tackle one part of the puzzle in this post.

Your mind has two main divisions, the “conscious”, or thinking part of your mind, and the “subconscious”, or autopilot part of the mind. ¹

The subconscious mind is your autopilot. It automates your life as much as possible. It operates low-level things like breathing, pumping the heart, and digestion. It performs things that you perform frequently, such as walking, reading, and driving. It also acts similar to an autopilot or thermostat for your life.

When an airplane is flying, it is rarely on course. It’s always moving around as the wind pushes it up, down, left, right, forwards, and backwards. The autopilot monitors the airplane in relation to where it’s supposed to go. As the wind pushes it around, the autopilot makes small adjustments to the control surfaces, pointing the airplane in the direction the pilot requested. These small adjustments can happen several times a second, but the autopilot diligently ensures that the pilot’s request is carried out.

Moving closer to home, when you set your home’s thermostat, a small thermometer watches the temperature of the house. When it becomes colder than the temperature you requested, it turns on the furnace until the temperature moves back up to what you requested.

In our own lives, the subconscious will diligently work to keep your life on track with the Great Purpose that it has been programmed with. In relation to fitness, if we decide to diet and lose weight, the subconscious mind acts like the thermostat. When we’re out of alignment with its setting, it turns on the furnace — it engages our habits, making it look as though we’re fighting against ourselves until we reach the old, comfortable condition we were in before. Thus we experience rebound, binging, and yo-yo diets.

Note that it also works the other way around. If we gain more weight than the “thermostat” is not comfortable with, the subconscious mind turns our habits in our favor until we reach the old, comfortable condition we were in before.

Before any one of us takes action to become fit, we must first adjust the level on the “thermostat” of our subconscious mind. If we don’t tackle this first, then no special diet, no exercise program, no support group… nothing will give us lasting results. Even if we succeeded in gaining the fitness we wanted, not long after we would find ourselves right back where we began.

Resetting the thermostat is what I previously called “Great Purpose”. This is why I use the phrase, “Fat mind? Fat body. Fit mind? Fit body.” To obtain lasting change, you must change your thermostat, in other words, your subconscious mind must embrace the new image of yourself. As that happens, the journey toward that “new you” will start to happen every time without fail. Furthermore, you’ll remain true to that new image of you, cutting the yo-yo string.

We’ll talk more about this next time.

Status Update:
23 pounds lighter.

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¹ Before psychology students get their panties in a wad, please understand that I’m lumping some things together (e.g. the unconscious and subconscious mind) to keep things simple without oversimplifying. I don’t want to lose people for the sake of being complete. That would work against my purpose.

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Fat Brain? Fat Body. Fit Brain? Fit Body.

Wayne Dyer is credited with saying, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Do you remember stereograms? The crazy, abstract-looking patterns of nonsense that have hidden in them a 3D picture if you look at them right? If that doesn’t ring a bell, click here to see some examples on Google Images.

When we first look at stereograms, we focus on the surface of the picture. We see the repetitious patterns and wonder what the fuss is about. Not until we allow our eyes to relax and look past the surface towards the horizon can our brain latch onto the hidden 3D image. We had to stop doing that which was so natural — looking at the surface of the page — and make a decision to look at the image differently. Relax. Look past the ordinary. See things in a new way. It’s tough at first, but with practice it becomes a natural process, and we can see the hidden picture right away.

We look at ourselves, our lives, those we have an emotional connection to, etc. in a certain way. Day in and day out we carry pictures of them in our heads. They are so familiar that we never give a thought to how we look at them. We assume that they’re true.

When we want to effect change in our lives, we continue to see ourselves, our lives, etc. the same way. We’re just fat. Fighting weight is a losing game. We don’t have time. There’s no time for exercise. We suddenly realize we’ve eaten a whole box of cupcakes. The last fifty diets didn’t work. I have some bad news. Forget about getting fit. You’re screwed and will never break the cycle.

Unless…

Unless we make a decision to look at ourselves, our lives, others in a new way. This change of perspective allows us to see things that were there all along — things which will literally alter our brains, breathing new life into us, renewing, re-energising, re-creating everything anew. Please do not confuse this with New Age mumbo-jumbo. This is one of the places where real science, real philosophy, real religion intersect harmoniously.

You become what you think about most. If you focus on fat, you’ll be fat. If you focus on fit, you’ve opened the door to being fit. Note that I didn’t say you’ll be fit… yet. It is, however, possible to have that which you desire. It’s possible.

So, before you, I, or anybody can effect meaningful, lasting change in our lives — including their physical fitness — we have to first condition our minds; mind fitness precedes body fitness.

This enables my success. The tally to date: 18 pounds lighter, a stronger body, a more peaceful heart.

To be continued…

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Thanks to Dr. Paul Jenkins for his presentation on paradigm during his “brown bag lunch” series. This was an excellent, re-inforcing refresher.

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