Be the Change

Signs sometimes give me whiplash… well, mental whiplash.

“Get a new body. Get a new life.”

That’s what I saw in the window of a niche gym next to a grocery store that I frequent. There’s usually a parking spot open in front of it, so I see their advertising. “That’s backwards,” I thought to myself. As I was running the outskirts of the grocery store my brain was churning, re-examining the statement from different angles.

Human experience shows that that people tend to think that success comes from the following sequence:

1. Have.
2. Do.
3. Be.

In other words, you must first have something, which allows you to do an action which will allow you to be something pleasant. A template that we’ve all seen comes from the weight loss industry (over $45 billion in the U.S. alone). It tells us that if we have product Z, we’d do weight loss (often without fuss or effort), and thus be happy, successful, popular, etc.

Falling into this thinking is a common human behaviour. It’s comforting and looks like the easier road since it allows us to push responsibility for a segment of our lives onto somebody else or their thing. Unfortunately, it perpetuates a cycle of frustration and dissatisfaction. We become frustrated because having product Z didn’t produce the desired results (usually a sense of happiness or satisfaction)…. though when product Z came along we conveniently forgot that neither did products A through Y.

Change of Mind

My journey has followed the opposite path. The things that we have in the physical world, most especially the things most personal to us — such as (un)fitness — are ultimately outcomes of what happens in our heads. Our thoughts control our actions. Our actions impact our results. Our results… we see as our lives.

Lasting change comes from the opposite order:

1. Be.
2. Do.
3. Have.

If we change our state of “being”, i.e. how we look and think about our lives on a consistent basis, our habits will follow. In other words, we start to “do” the things we think about. As our habitual actions become aligned with those that produce desired results, “having” fitness is inevitable. Be. Do. Have.

Do not confuse this with the “think happy thoughts” or “Law of Attraction” crowd that believe that intense visualization and belief alone will cause change. Beliefs that don’t effect useful action will alter nothing in the physical world.

This is along the lines of how I understand what Ghandi meant when he said, “We need to be the change we wish to see in the world.” It’s not esoteric existentialism, but practical advice.

Stretching a Little More…

For something a little different, here’s some video of last weekend. This is a bit of a celebration.

I have Japanese friends, so you’ll find subtitles.
日本人の友達に「すみません！日本語が下手です！」

2008-08-12: Update: The FaceBook version of the video is much cleaner.

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Status: 70 pounds (32 kg) lighter.

Useful Tool: PhysicsDiet.com

You may or may not find it useful, but I’ve found PhysicsDiet.com to be a useful tool. Here’s a review, after a fashion. I want to give “keenlife” credit for pointing out this tool.

The Problem

In Pick Nits Only When Useful, Then Stop I described why I weight myself every morning. In short, the purpose is to ensure that I’m progressing toward my goal, and to catch budding bad habits as soon as possible.

Of course, the downside is that a human’s weight can easily swing by a pound or more a day, making it difficult to eyeball what’s going on. When you record your weight daily, there’s a lot of ups and downs. It becomes difficult to discern whether a change in weight is an ordinary fluctuation, or whether it means something.

The Strategy

In my involvement with biomedical research over the past twenty years, as with most research, distinguishing between useful information and meaningless ups and down (called “noise”) is a classic problem. A common strategy to help get around this is to smooth out the bumps. This process , not surprisingly, is called “smoothing”. One can look at the smoothed number to make decisions, not the bumpy daily weight.

The down side is that it takes a modest amount of work to correctly smooth information. The math is not difficult, but it’s tedious. Computers take the pain out of the process.

Unfortunately, spreadsheets like Excel or Calc (part of the OpenOffice suite) don’t generally include common smoothing strategies.

The Tool

PhysicsDiet.com uses a strategy to smooth out the bumpy daily changes in a person’s weight, and reports the “smoothed” weight as your “real” weight. It also shows a picture of your weight over time.

This is useful because it helps to remove some of the emotion from the process. If you’re on the track You’ll see lots of green. A single “bad” day won’t kill your progress. It will take several “bad” days to start showing an effect on your “real” weight. In other words, you’ll see the trend, not a fluke.

A downside is the annoying, large Google ads throughout the site. Also, for detail-oriented people the options may be somewhat limited. Those wanting to track many details may not be happy with the fact that it only allows weight and body fat percentage to be entered.

An Example

This chart shows the weight of a person I know well. She was struggling at first with weight loss, her weight going up and down daily. Green shows daily weight measurements that are below the “real” weight (blue line). Red shows daily weight measurements that are above the “real” weight.

It reports at the bottom that there was an average of 0.12 pounds lost every week. Not much, but it’s in the right direction. After seeing the chart, she realized that she wasn’t really getting anywhere.

This information helped her decide to reformulate her strategy. Her current chart shows good news. Notice that the one “bad” day in the last month shows up as just a blip. It doesn’t blow everything. The blue line is still going down.

The summary reports that now she’s losing about a pound per week. This has helped provide motivation for daily walking.

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2008-08-03: Minor text tweaks, add pictures.

Love Your Life

As I read an article about choosing happiness, the last paragraph brought back memories of events that deeply impressed me. I had a number of times the great privilege of sitting in a few public and private meetings with Les McGuire before his death. On his radio program, he would introduce himself saying, “I am the man who loves his life.”

Many have talked about “creating the life you love”, but that’s not the same as loving one’s life. One can certainly find enjoyment in a charmed life filled with ease, riches, or glamor— creating “a life you love” — but still not love one’s life. When I say, “I love my life”, I mean that I place great value on my existence and wish to make the most of it, as opposed to frittering it away with needless pain, hollowness, or vain pursuits. Don’t get me wrong — one can have both, but “creating a life that you love” is an external pursuit. Loving one’s life springs from a human’s inner core, and through action manifests itself in the world.

If one loves one’s live, a series of actions naturally extend from that motive power. In other words, one follows that declaration with the word “therefore”. For example, in context of this blog, I can say, “I love my life, therefore I act as a good steward over my physical body so that I have the physical capacity to act fully, without physical hinderance.”

Note that this is different from saying, “If I love my life then I will _____.” That’s a common manipulation tactic. How often have we heard, in performances if not real life, something akin to “You’d do X if you truly loved me”? By this the manipulator seeks “X” as evidence of the love, and insinuates (or states explicitly) that not doing “X” is evidence of lack of love. This poor line of reasoning appears to be engrained into human relations, evidenced by the fact that it can be found in ancient literature and religious writings (e.g. Paris in the old Greek myths, or Matthew 4).

When I say, “I love my life, therefore I do X”, the action stems naturally from the love of my life. Why do I rewire my brain? Why do I exercise? Why have I reformed what I eat? It’s not because I have set a goal ahead of me, that I’m working towards. It’s because those are natural extensions of my inner desire. I enjoy my existence, therefore I breathe air and avoid sticking solid objects through my brain. Ceasing to breathe, or putting bullet through my brain would be counterproductive.

Before I commenced my fitness journey I had deceived myself into believing that I was in pretty good shape, and that my condition didn’t really hinder me. Since my collision with reality last March, I wiped that deception from my eyes. I replaced that harmful belief with a new belief: I exercise good stewardship over my body. As with any endeavor in life, it’s been a bumpy ride, but I’ve been steadily progressing.

As I get into shape, I’m discovering new meaning in that phrase, “I am the man who loves his life”. My beliefs drive my actions. My actions produce results. I enjoy the results. The desirable results reinforce my beliefs. This cycle, repeated, helps to create new neural pathways in my mind… a fancy way of saying that new habits are born, and a new life comes into being.

Everyone has their reason for getting in shape, discontent being common. Discontent can carry a person for quite some time, but can it carry a person all the way to the goal? Perhaps. It carried me through the first month or two, but could not carry me over the finish line. I’ve become fit enough that I could call my current condition “pretty darned good”, and hold my position. When I look in the mirror, it’s quite tempting. I am looking really good compared to my prior state, and at times the routine grates.

“Cowboy Up”

Here in the Western states there is a phrase, “Cowboy up”. Its essence means to rise to the challenge at hand. I have had to find something deeper along the way to drive me back into the saddle of the bucking horse called “life”. I love my life, and therefore once again I place my left foot in the stirrup, throw my right leg up and over, planting myself squarely in the saddle — ready to risk being thrown to the ground again. I know with a certainty that I’ll reach my objective. I won’t be thrown forever because I’m learning to ride this wild horse called “life”. Eventually I will prevail because my actions are consistent with success. Success is available to every person willing to follow the same cycle. Believe. Act. Evaluate Results. If an “average Joe” can do this, anybody can.

Status: 62 pounds (28 kg) lighter.

How Far You Can Reach? Surprise!

Two weekends ago, an unexpected revelation struck me. I’ll be participating in a large cycling event next month, and decided to focus that Saturday on distance riding. I thought that perhaps if I pushed myself I might be able to ride 30 miles (48 km). I prepped and started pedaling. I enjoyed the morning, and the miles peeled by. After twenty-something miles, I found that I really felt good still. It seemed odd, as I should have been ready to call it quits. (Or so the little voice in my head was saying.)

I was at the bottom of the valley, but I noticed that I was within riding distance of a favorite canyon, and struck out for it. I rode up the canyon and zoomed back down to meet family for lunch at the bottom of the canyon. I put the trike on the car rack and we went home. In all, I cycled 40 miles (64 km). I was tired, of course, but far from being “wiped out”.

Compare that to last year, which I mention on the About Page. Last October I rode 50 miles (80 km) in a cycling event. This was a big accomplishment for me, considering I was obese. The ride and some extenuating circumstances really hit me hard physically and psychologically. I was physically spent around 42 miles (68 km), and the last miles were a grinding crawl in low gear, my mind not really caring about anything but getting back to the motel so I could get off the stupid machine. If my hotel wasn’t also the finish line, I would not have cared about the finish line; not one bit. Afterwards, I recovered physically quick enough, but I hung my trike on its place in the garage and didn’t touch it again. Mentally I was beaten. There the trike hung until after I decided to re-engineer my body, mind, and soul… setting myself on a new path.

That was last year. The startling revelation that happened two weeks ago, at that twenty-something mile point, was the following. I was still cycling according to last year’s thinking. I had assumed that if I pushed myself, stretched myself to the limit I might be able to ride 30 miles. I didn’t understand that my improved overall fitness would so dramatically increase my abilities. Where I expected to turn around and commence a slow grind home was in fact a place where I said, “Hey, let’s ride up a mountain!”… and did so.

Yesterday I put this to the test. Until now I envisioned 50 miles to be a barrier. I was determined to discover whether I could best that personal record. In the end I did just fine. I ran out of water at about 46 miles (74 km), but was determined to grind those last four miles out. In the end, I rode 51.55 miles (82.96 km) in 3h50′47″. Not a world record, but something that I would not have believed until I experienced it. I showered, slept for three hours, and have bounced back just fine.

As we deliberately re-engineer our lives, we’ll not know our expanded capabilities until we push our boundaries. At times we’ll be astonished to see how far our limits have ballooned. These unexpected bonus events will come along only if you’re willing to seize the opportunities to test your reach. I enjoyed this moment of personal triumph, and moved onto the next phase.

I hope you all will relish your moments of breakthrough, both big and small, and keep moving. Best wishes!

Status: 60 pounds (27 kg) lighter.

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Bad cell phone photographs of the cycling computer, showing distance and time.

Not Thinking Ahead Bites

Ever set yourself up for getting bitten?

Last week I went on a father/son outing for three days in the mountains. Because it was being organized by a third party, and I’m very busy, I only put the minimal required thought into planning. Tent, sleeping bags, insect repellent, clothes, water bottles, etc., were accounted for. The few things that I overlooked (e.g., an axe) others were willing to share.

In the end, we all had a great time. It was a fabulous event that I’d recommend to anybody close enough to participate.

Doh!

The part that I didn’t give any thought was food. This presented an interesting challenge, and I didn’t handle it optimally. I had these challenges:

1. The food was pretty typical camp food. If you remember, when in the mountains, there is no electricity refrigeration, so you eat perishable stuff first, and rely on packaged and non-perishable foodstuffs last.
2. Because the critical factor in planning is lack of refrigeration, and because most people don’t think about nutrition content, food tends to be pretty rich in calories, with sugars and fats being prominent.
3. There was also an abundance of food. Yes, you’re burning a lot of calories doing stuff, but with food laying around during the day, it’s easy to nibble and lose track of that extra thousand calories that went down in bits and pieces.
4. The first night we had the best salmon steaks I think I may have every had in my life… and that’s saying something considering I used to live in the Pacific Northwest! I chose to have second helpings (and desert), with full recognition that it was counterproductive to my goals.

The “tale of woe and misery” (that’s hyperbole) didn’t stop there, as when we returned I pigged out on “good” food. I really missed my grains, fruits, and veggies and justified filling up with vitamin-rich food.

On the other hand, it wasn’t all as bad it as it may sound. I made a lot of choices to decline participating in the full menu. For example, I had brought a partial loaf of whole bread, and made a sandwich the second night instead of having the big roasted food meal.

Additionally, when at camp you’re usually active most of the time, or at least, I am. I don’t like to lounge around when there’s stuff to be done. Get it done first, then enjoy. Other “relaxing” activities included nature hikes, and photographing things. Those require butt moving.

The bottom line was that I came back a couple of pounds heaver. That by itself is neither good nor bad. As of today, that weight spike is gone, and the only thing that I’ve really lost is time. I don’t have any deadline per se, but I get a degree of satisfaction from looking at the graphs showing progress. Since I last wrote, there’s almost a week of sideways movement.

So What?

So what’s the moral of the story? I’m not completely sure. On one hand I left the menu to others, but on the other I didn’t want to spoil others’ enjoyment of the event by making a fuss. That was my responsibility, therefore I felt that fussing would have been wholly inappropriate. Yes, I could have been choosier than I was. No, it wasn’t like I couldn’t undo any weight spike… and no, I wasn’t going to die from my lapse in judgement.

I’d be happy to hear others’ thoughts.

Status: 59 pounds (27 kg) lighter

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What can be more traditional than hot dogs roasted on a stick?

Get the Hell Out of Hell

I read people’s fitness and weight loss blogs, looking for people’s successes. I find those personal stories energizing. However, the most common theme that I run across on weight loss blogs is self-criticism and negativity. When I see this, I often think of some principles that I learned from Dr. Fred Luskin’s book Forgive for Good: A PROVEN Pescription for Health and Happiness. I read this before my own fitness journey. A friend, Dr. Paul Jenkins mentioned it.

Dr. Luskin is director and cofounder of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project. The book summarizes scientific research he conducted, including work with some of the toughest cases, such as Irish who lost loved ones in Northern Ireland’s civil war.

What Forgiveness Is Not

In his book, Dr. Luskin talks about some of the myths that surround forgiveness. Let’s get those out of the way. Forgiveness does not mean:

• forgoing the right to anger when we have been mistreated,
• forgetting a past painful experience,
• excusing poor behavior,
• denying or minimizing hurt,
• reconciling with an offender,
• you have to have an “otherworldly or religious experience,”
• not pursuing justice,
• and other methods of denying what has happened, or shifting blame for our feelings.

So What Is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness consists of releasing grievance stories and/or unreasonable expectations in our lives. This means that we stop directing attention on them in our mind. We stop bringing them into our mental home and giving them the seat of honor at our table.

Forgiveness is:

• for you the individual, and you alone;
• the peace you learn to feel when you stop feeding the grievance,
• taking back your power given away,
• taking responsibility for how you feel.
• a learned skill.

He summed it up best for me with the single sentence, “Forgiveness is the practice of extending your moments of peacefulness.”

That’s Nice, But What Does This Have to Do With Fitness?

So how does this relate to fitness? When I look at the atmosphere surrounding weight loss specifically and fitness generally, it’s easy to find people publicly whipping themselves. This contributes to my general aversion of anything with the word “diet” in it. The word “diet” tends to carry with it promises of sunshine quickly followed by roiling dark clouds of frustration and disappointment.

The Western concept of forgiveness overlaps heavily with the Zen notion of unattachment. Events happen. Choices are made. Unexpected curve balls hit us in the head. Forgiveness is about acknowledging these things but not allowing ourselves to get caught up in them.

For example, say I choose to binge on jumbo-sized jalapeño “Bahama mama” hot dogs, juice, and chips. I could choose to get out the cat-o’-nine-tails and flog myself (mentally) into an unrecognizable bleeding pulp. In the past that would have been normal behavior. I would choose poorly, and build my own personal hell.

After a while I realized that Hell’s not the best place to camp out in. The company sucks.

Courtesy of the I Can Has Cheezburger site:

more cat pictures

Get the Hell Out of Hell

I had decisions to make, such as:

• Why not acknowledge the counterproductive choice, acknowledge my feelings of disappointment… and choose to not let it go past that? I can anticipate the circumstances that contributed to my poor choice with a plan to choose successfully in the future.
• Why not make a practice to seek out and extend my peaceful moments? Exercise often carries with it a rush of “feel good” chemicals. I can supplement my physical exercise with mental exercise.
• Why not give myself credit where credit is due? Even if I were a “failure” and had no improvement in my weight, the process has taught me much about myself and my relationship with myself.
• Why not put forth the effort to develop the skills and disciplines that allow me to stay out of Hell? Choosing pain over peace is, well, painful.

I’m completely average here. I sometimes get caught up in those moments of anger. Last week was tough for me and I slid sideways almost the whole week. I’ve never seen my weight spike up and down so sharply. I have to admit that there were a handful of days in the row that dredged up similar “up and down” emotions.

I would like to suggest that if I can, we all can learn to have more moments of compassionate forgiveness for ourselves and increase our moments of peace. When our hearts and mind are in this state of peace, we can think clearly and use our reason more effectively. From a sanctuary of peace we can also rewire our subconscious mind with greater ease. This allows us to replace our old habits with new, making the process of becoming fit more automatic; becoming a joy rather than a war.

I’m past last week’s roller coaster, and quite frankly forgot about until I started writing this section. Lessons learned, for which I can express gratitude.

I hope this post isn’t too heavy. I’ve been somewhat pensive since last night. I considered writing about something else but it’s a part of the human experience and I have hopes that somebody else might benefit.

Status: 59 pounds (27 kg) lighter

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A wise man will make haste to forgive, because he knows the true value of time, and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain.
- Samuel Johnson

Aw, Nuts! (This blew my mind.)

I stumbled across an article at WiseGeek that shows how much food is 200 calories. Each picture is a different type of food, all of them 200 calories’ worth. Be sure the click on the pictures to bring up a full-sized image.

I wrote previously about food energy density, or how some foods “have more calories” than others.

What struck me most was nuts, especially peanut butter. That little tiny blob is 200 calories? Jeez! I had no idea that nuts were that so energy dense. It makes me rethink one of my favourite treats, a half slice of whole bread with freshly ground almond butter and fruit spread. But then again, I’m progressing fine so I’ll put the treat-nixing plan on the shelf.

On the other hand, I can see why people say that eating celery is like drinking water, or eating air. Fortunately, baby carrots are near the beginning of the list. I’ve been snacking on those between meals from time to time. (I get tired of them pretty quick, so it’s an occasional thing.)

I’ve learned some lessons about energy density through experimentation, and it has become a theme of mine when selecting foods. For example, tonight I chose a big “breadless sandwich” (ahem… a salad) and a small treat for dinner. I was eyeing the nikuman that my wife made for herself and the kids. I love her nikuman. But it would have to be only one… and I still be hungry. Either choice would have been valid, but tonight I chose the full stomach, not the protesting one.

Anyhow, maybe I’m just exposing my ignorance, but as Joe Average, who ever thinks of things like this? My hat’s off to WiseGeek. I’ve figured out how much to eat by the seat of my pants. Looking up stuff in charts doesn’t really make an impression, but those real-life pictures have stayed with me.

Status: 57 pounds (26 kg) lighter.

I Said, “Yes!”

I had an interesting conversation with a friend last Thursday. I was previously unaware that we share a number of similarities with regard to health matters, and she, too, has embarked on her personal journey to lose some weight.

One place where we found similarity was our daily food cycles. When I get up in the morning, unless I purposefully act differently, I simply nibble on a small something (perhaps a half of piece of bread), or just skip breakfast entirely. Lunch, dinner, are as usual, but then comes what tradition tells me is a problem: I find myself hungry in the night, about 9 or 10 p.m.

I’ve encountered plenty of people who say that one should avoid eating after a certain hour, 8 p.m. being a common number. (As with most “expert” dieting advice, I’ve become very skeptical — almost jaded.) Nevertheless, assuming for a moment that this advice as valid and useful, it doesn’t alter the reality that I’ll get honest-to-goodness hungry during these hours!

From what I understand, I’m to simply tough it out. I can do that, but it’s not just unpleasant; it’s terribly distracting and requires me to put for extra effort to ensure that it doesn’t impinge on my evening productivity. I could avoid this altogether and go to sleep at 9 p.m., but that means I’d be up at 2 or 3 a.m. and thus just shift the situation to a different time of day.

I’m always open to input, but for better or for worse, this is how I’ve handled it. Why make it a problem by following a rule, especially when I question its validity and utility?

1. I asked myself, “How can I say, ‘Yes’”?
2. From there I made room for that hungry time in my “food budget”. OK, I don’t have a food budget per se, but I’ve taken a small amount from other parts of the day, and reserve them for the evening.
3. This way I proactively eliminate the problem by saying, “Yes, you may”, and not fight what seems to be a very natural cycle in my life.

I could be way off base here, but I choose to judge by results. I’m still progressing steadily.

Status: 55 pounds (25 kg) lighter.

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Friends, I apologize for being away. I had some personal business to attend to during the last week and a half. All is well, thank you!

Hit the Brakes!

My friends, all of you, thank you for your kind support and interest. I’ve reached another milestone. Since I started my conscious efforts to reëngineer how I viewed myself and my health last March, I’ve passed the fifty pound (23 kg) mark.

In celebration, I just finished off a modest cup of chocolate milk (natural whole milk). Yum! It still tastes good after these months. (Has anybody noticed that some old favourite foods don’t taste good anymore?)

Natural whole milk is something that I’ve otherwise forsworn because it’s a prime suspect in my sky-high cholesterol levels. I used to gulp down, without thought, about a half gallon (two litres) of that a day; frequently more. I jest not. That gross quantity is probably the greater contributor to the problem, not the actual food itself. My previous XXXL size was due strictly to the unfettered quantity of food. The proportion of low-quality (ahem, “junk”) food was, I think, a secondary contributor. Eat large, be large.

One of the things that I’ve focused on is not so much cutting out foods per se (other than a select group of prime suspects), but putting the brakes on how much I eat. The natural result is that I’m more choosy about what I eat because I fill my bowl once, then take a few moments to actually enjoy it.

Here’s a concrete example in colour. Here is a photograph of my “before” and “after” serving sizes. (Sorry for the bad picture quality. I was lazy and used my cell phone camera.)

Yes, the bowl on the left is one of those huge 8″ ramen-bachi. It’s monstrous. I would wolf down one and frequently two full bowls of rice-and-something without batting an eye. This was a regular event. I was a pig, and weighed it. Oink. Oink.

The bowl on the right is what I use now, a small 4″ chawan (Japanese soup/tea bowl). It holds about as much as my cats’ food dishes. I’ll use it even if I have pasta. I just go crazy on the vegetarian sauce since I don’t allow myself second helpings, and it’s veggies.

It took me three or four weeks to work my food portions down. Initially I switched to eating six small meals plus a couple of snacks. My body was not used to lesser quantities, but eating six times helped my adjustment. Over the next couple of months I slowly cut down the number of micro meals to my old habits of two to four meals a day.

Today, it’s no big deal for me. A chawan of food, fruit or veggies, a small cup of juice… I’m usually full.

One last anecdote, if I may. I took my daughter out to Subway for lunch today. I got my usual 4″ mini sub with water, and my daughter had a 6″ sub. As we were sitting there, I caught myself looking at her sandwich and thinking, “Gosh, that’s a lot of food.” It was pleasing to see that reaction from my subconscious because I think I’ve completely adjusted to the “sub-gluttonous feeding habit.”

Status: 51 pounds (23 kg) lighter since earnest efforts started. That’s about 80 pounds (36 kg) lighter than my peak last spring. I’ve lost six inches off the waist. Yeah, feeling a little sassy about this benchmark. Thank you for allowing the moment to celebrate.